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June 28th, 2005

10:10 pm I have not updated in a very long time and had not planned on it until I read this on DC. It is the saddest thing I have heard in a while. Actually that, and something my mother told me yesterday when I was at her job. This is the story: I have family in Texas, an aunt and her kids and husband. Her name is Karen. She has a stepdaughter named Nicole. Nicole had been dating a guy for a long time which is rare for her. She really liked him and he was a great guy. A week or so ago they attended a party where her boyfriend's friend got into an argument with some thug. They decided to take his friend and leave so there wasn't a fight. They went back a while later thinking he would be gone. He was definitely still there. So Nicole's boyfriend tried to stop the arguing again. His friend walked away and the guy pulled out a gun. Instead of hitting the friend, he missed and shot Nicole's boyfriend in the back of the head five times until he was dead. This was all happening while she was standing there at his side. Lucky he didn't shoot her as well. Well I don't really know the details of their relationship or anything, I do know that watching anyone die would be very traumatic. So my aunt and her husband stayed with her for three days straight. They hadn't let her out of their sight until the third day when they had to go to the store. She said she would be fine. They were gone for a matter of five minutes before she slit her wrists and drank half a bottle of codine syrup. She was found a while later by my aunt. She was not dead thank God, but is now on lockdown in a hospital. I hope she can get help. Now here is the other sad confession... Almost Done ... - Very Heavy I'm 35 years old and dying. I have a brain tumor. They've tried everything, but nothing has touched it. Surgery is out of the question because its removal would kill me. It just keeps pushing my brain further into the back of my skull. The pain is horrible. I was once loved, but my husband left me when we learned there was nothing more they could do. I was once smart, but now I'm lucky to remember anything and I can't go out alone or I'll get lost in my own back yard. I was once pretty, but the burns have disfigured me and Chemo has made me thin and wasted, as well as taken all my hair. I was once well liked, but none of my friends could handle seeing me become this shell of a human, so they left me. Tomorrow my Dr. is giving me liquid morphine. The doses I need will make me nearly comatose. Thank God for my nurse. She's the only one left to help me. I hope heaven is beautiful. I hope someone remembers me. I miss my mom. I'll see her there soon. Almost done... I also just want to let everyone who actually cares know that I am happy and I miss everyone. I am not sure what is going on anymore with people, but if anyone wants to get together I will be around. Call me or whatever because I really do miss all ya guys! Current Mood: a little under the weather Current Music: Under Oath- Some seek forgiveness, others escape

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January 9th, 2005

11:11 am Yesterday Adam, Davis, and I saw White Noise. It was actually one of the most decent "scary" movies I have ever seen. Finding a movie with a good story line that keeps you interested is few and far between. Although it was somewhat predictable, I liked it. I was actually kind of scared to be by myself when I got home. I already hate being anywhere alone, this movie just enforced that mindset. I suggest everyone sees it some time in the upcoming future. Friday was again "First Friday." It was a good time. The food was swell and the art wasnt bad either. I was disappointed that Dave and I could not find the one art gallery we wanted to make a movie about. I think it was closed for the time being. Dave and i had a wonderful time giggling throughout the entire thing. Jake and Joe, you missed out! This confession on Dailyconfession.com was ironically something we talked a good deal about last night on the way home from the movies. So I thought I would post and see everyones thoughts on homosexuality.... "Finding Purity - Mature Content Today and for the past few years I have been struggling with my purity and spirituality. I deal with homosexuality, I masturbate while thinking or watching other men. I have a hard time finding purity in my life. I prayed but I feel every time I fall and do these things I feel I have committed adultery, and not only that, but also homosexuality. Sometimes I feel as if I am getting away from these sins but then I fall again. I have prayed and then I see my self and look at how I betray God my lord every time I touch my self. I know I can fight it but I give up. My confession is that today I watched homosexual filth on the net and released my self. I pray for forgiveness but I ask all who read this to pray for me as well." I dont believe the person who wrote this needs to have people pray for him. I think everyone has a right to masturbate if thats their thing. As long as they are not parading their lifestyle around and invading peoples personal space, I say do as you wish. As for being gay, it is not wrong! People need to get over their rigid beliefs and accept people for who they are. Whether you are gay or straight does not change who you are. It does not mean you are less pure. Purity is whether you have a strong character. I think if you can deal with who you are and have the strength to let people into your life then you are a strong person and you deserve respect. Face it, everyone is equal and everyone shoudl be treated as though they are equal. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Counting Crows-Colorblind

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December 26th, 2004

10:42 am - I hope everyone had a great Christmas! Well I'll start with hoping everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I know for the first time in what seems like forever I really had a good holiday. Since I met Adam, I have been enjoying holidays. I hope he stays around for a long time or else I am back to square one... No but i really did. Although I have not see my own family for the past two Christmases (if that can be considered plural), I felt like I had a family. I havent felt that way in a long time. I admit I didnt want to get upset yesterday, but I did for a little bit. That was until Hollie took me in the bathroom and talked to me like she really cared. She told me the Blanchards were my family. I have been waiting a long time to have a family again. Now I do, and I love everyone in it. I got presents...and they were cool. I am not one to brag, but this Christmas I got things I like, and I was able to get the ones I love (my friends) things that I hope they liked. We all had our turns to rape George Bush. Well Dave's inflatable Bush pop, that is. Oh and the most important part of that day was the special occasion Faygo Jake bought for us. Now Adam loves the Red Pop, which can lead to nothing good. It was awesome, we all got to take part in a juggaholiday. All in all, everything turned out for the best. Now I get to do homework, yes I have homework over Christmas break. I will be getting to that now. I love everyone who reads this and once again, I hope everyone's holiday was worthwhile. p.s. You know what is gross? When you sneeze and you can taste boogers...yuck Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Lindsay Lohan-Disconnected

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December 20th, 2004

10:59 am I am putting this on here because it reminded me of alex. He never uses this word but he hates when our friends say it. Even though our friends use this word jokingly, I bet they never stop to think about how it effects people. I would appreciate it if those who do use this word would stop or at least try to stop. We could all benefit from it someday.... They Were Just Kids "15 years ago, I was working a downtown fire station. One afternoon, four little Black kids walked into the engine room and started trying to steal cokes from the coke machine. They were kicking and banging the machine, plus one had his arm up in the machine. I heard the racket and went out to check. When I saw them kicking the machine I said 'Hey, Stop that. That's why you little niggers don't have anything, you tear it up'. Their faces really showed how much it hurt to be called niggers. To this day, I wish I wouldn't have said that to them. I've never used that word since then." I just had to get that out... Current Mood: optimistic

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December 19th, 2004

11:42 am This entry made me sad. I remember when my father passed away we would still buy him Christmas presents and birthday presents. We would just put them in his room and they stayed there until we moved out of our house. People do odd things when they have lost a loved one. Now for the confession... It's Her Favourite "My wife died of cancer last year. I still think of her every day, but they are good memories and it's not painful to remember her. I've been doing pretty well at getting along on my own - working at my job, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. Today I bought groceries, and I confess that once again instead of my favourite flavour of ice cream I bought her favourite, mint chocolate. I know she won't be able to eat it with me, but I always enjoyed bringing it home as a surprise for her. Now when I eat it by myself I taste bittersweet memories of living with my dear wife. I hope she's enjoying mint chocolate ice cream in heaven sometimes. I love you S******!" Awwwww!!! Now for something not so upsetting. Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming! Well Adam and I have offficially spent a lot of money on presents. I have spent about 250 dollars...Adam maybe a little more than that. I have to admit I did not expect to spend that much but my friends mean so much to me. I have never had better friends in my life. So it was well worth it. On Thursday all of us are going to celebrate and exchange presents. That should be fun. This year has gone by so quickly, I can hardly believe it will be 2005. I wonder what juggalos do on New years eve. I bet they drink spiked Faygo... I think we should all celebrate like juggalos this year, but without the alcohol!!! Well I have to get ready to go to Adam's grandma's house for a Christmas party now...so ta-ta!!! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Five Iron Frenzy- Handbook for the Sellout

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December 18th, 2004

12:16 pm Okay well i read all of this so I am begging everyone to read it as well. It is one of the longest 'worthwhile' things Ive read in a long time. Here goes it... "I'm not really quite sure where to begin as it I am as confused as hell as to where to go from here. You see, my wife's sister got married this weekend and I was put in charge of the wedding reception making sure all our 300 and so guests were having a great time and everything was in its place. Everything did go wonderfully well, and even though we had a few mishaps in the kitchen, things did go according to plan fortunately. Funny thing is, they look so much alike, and I always confuse one for the other if they wear the same clothes. Even their voices are the same, so sometimes I wonder if I married the better half of the two because I've never been so happy. After dinner, the bride and groom had their first dance and then followed by the band playing the rest of the night. My wife had come up to me and give me a big hug and kiss for a job well done, and her sister and new hubby couldn't stop thanking me for the job I did. I felt like a million bucks and decided it was time to start drinking a little bit. After about an hour, we were all pretty much drunk in the hall and my wife, the lush that she is, ended up getting all tipsy. Not wanting to make a scene, she asked me to escort her up to her room which was also connected to the bride and grooms room so that we can help them pack up and head off to their honeymoon the next afternoon. I had gone back downstairs after tucking her into bed, and started dancing with everyone. The music was phenomenal, and I kept the drinks going, and before you know it, the new groom was getting tipsy and wanted to head upstairs. I asked him if he wanted any help, but he declined. I gave him the magnetic key passes so he can go in on his own. His bride decided to stay behind and dance with all her friends since she was married now, and wouldn't get much of a chance to spend time with them when they were going to move about 300 miles away to Michigan. About two hours later, all the guests had left for home as it was getting late, and I decided to go upstairs, and the new bride and I walked up to the elevators and gave her the keycard to her room so she can go in... (that's what happens when they don't put any pockets on those dresses!). Well, she got in safely and I walked down to the next room and used my keycard to get in. I walk inside, and what do I see? My wife sleeping with a huge inflatable blowup doll from the bachelor party, and all I can hear are soft moans coming from her mouth, she was moaning my name thinking I was the inflatable doll!! This is sooo embarrassing. I don't know what to think since I feel cheated by her. What should I do?" Hahaha...For those who read that, I can not give you the last five minutes of your life back...because i did not get mine. Although the first five paragraphs were so superfluous, I enjoyed it to the fullest. The responses to this confession were so darn catchy, but I dont have the patience to put them on here in a neat fashion. We are out for break now. Yay. I forthunatley passed all of my classes. I have to admit I am a wee bit depressed at some of my grades. I got 2 A's, 3 A-'s, one B+, and I think I will end up passing Chemistry with a solid B. I know I am really lame because I am complaining, but it makes me sad. I am just glad the semester is over...I hope everyone is happy that I reactivated my live journal. See ya!!!! Current Mood: relieved Current Music: mad caddies- preppy girl

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December 11th, 2004

11:06 am You never realize how gross people actually are until you stumble upon a confeesion such as this... MY FATHER WILL NEVER KNOW I disgust myself. I was clearing out the attic the other night, and I found a topless picture of one of the hottest women I've ever seen. She was about 18 years old, and it was an arty black and white picture. I was in a frisky mood, and so I stole the picture and gratified myself sexually while keeping my eyes firmly fixed upon the picture. I repeated this several times over the next few days. Until my mother walked into my room, saw the picture and commented on how good she looked in her younger years. I am sick. Seriously though how could he not see a slight resemblance between his mother and the picture. Who would masturbate to a picture they found in their attic anyway? It's a picture! Ah some people are revolting. So Christmas is coming up...Boy aren't we all excited? Not me unfortunately. Christmas should be about spending time with those you love. All i have been hearing is "am i getting my kitty? i cant wait til christmas to get my kitty" People dont seem to care that its one of the few times you get to have your entire family over, not to bitch at one another, not to see what you got this year as opposed to last year, but to have fun with the people who care the most about you. For some of us (including myself) we do not make the holidays a big deal because we dont have family. So it is just another day which is pretty upsetting. This year i cannot have the one thing i was looking forward to. But a lot of you will be opening presents and thinking about how wonderful gift giving is, while my sister will be working and i will be here alone. Adam wants me to go to his house but i doubt that will happen. Well that is all for now. I will see you all later. COME TO SEE OCEAN'S TWELVE WITH THE GANG TONIGHT... Current Mood: melancholy

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December 4th, 2004

05:31 pm This has to be the most horrible thing i have ever read in my life. I wish that the person who wrote this is lying so i can sleep better at night. Here it goes.... Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead - Graphic Content Recently there was a confession here about someone being glad their father died. I was appalled at the comments she received - we don't know the full story. I'm a 17, male. My Mother died about six months ago (drug overdose) and I couldn't be happier. For all my life she has abused me - beat me until I passed out, made me drink her and my piss, made me eat my own vomit and also forced me into prostitution. I was raped for the first time by a man at age 10 -Mother had sent me there to earn some money -I lost my virginity to a woman who was 40 just before my 11th birthday. I dropped out of school at my Mother's wishes so I could earn more money to support my little brother, me, her and her drug usage. For my entire life Mother treated me like shit - the constant beatings, the humiliation, the mental torture (she told me that if she had had enough money she would have aborted me) the rapes. When she died it was the happiest day of my life. Don't judge before you know the whole story. I was reminded of my mother who had been raped by her mother's many visitors. That woman did a number on my mom. One of the only things that make me feel sorry for her. She went through a lot and I am glad she survived everything. She may not be the best person, the nicest mother, or the greatest wife; but no one should ever be put through any of this. On a lighter note, I went to first friday last night with dave, adam, and good ol' phil. it was a blast. there was this really cute punk guy there with no butt who dave and i wanted to talk to. too bad we are both big pussies. ha i hate that word...while we were there dave and i thought of a really good plot for a movie. it would be a horror movie, which doesnt seem to excite people these days. well as soon as i start jotting down more ideas for it, ill post them. i finally thought of some things i want for christmas....it was so damn hard to think of anything i dont have that i want. i cant have the one thing i really want which makes me completely upset. it is a puppy. oh well ill get over it sooner or later. lucky adam and alex who will probably get their kitty kitties. keke....hahaha. also last night after the art stuff i went to my friend brian's birthday party. he just turned 19. happy birthday brian. it was okay except for everyone getting drunk and high. that part didnt excite me too much. i did make a friend, her name is claudia. she is a little older than me but shes cool. my sister hates her and she hates my sister so i kinda have to hide the fact that im friends with her. well that is the last of my life i wish to share. i am now leaving for the play called play on at my school. that should be a fun time.....until next time this is caryn...the best damn whore around. (just joking kids dont tell yer mom) Current Mood: chuku Current Music: Lindsay Lohan- Rumors

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November 28th, 2004

07:25 am - ENTRY NUMBER ONE This is my first entry so it wont be much...I watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force today. I bought the second season on dvd for adam. I work at IHOP and one of my bosses hates me. Yeah it sucks, but so does the job. This whole live journal thing is harder than i thought it'd be. The only thing that has really been on my mind lately is something that i am afraid i can not put on this journal. There is this website that i go on occasionally called dailyconfession.com. My friend dave told me about it. Get a load of this..."I hate Iraq. My boyfriend came home from four months of fighting in Iraq. (He's a marine.) It was his second tour of duty there. I confess that it hurts me just to be around him. He is so cold and distant and empty. And the anger that's in him now, just beneath the surface....it scares me. I'll never forget the horrible sick feeling that came over me when i first saw him and ran to give him a big hug. He didn't even hug back, he just stood there. I know hes been going through a lot and that PTSD probably has a lot to do with this, but it hurts so much to see him this way. He was okay at his first time in Iraq, but i guess twice was just too much. I miss my boyfriend. What happened to him?" I am sure Dave and Jake will have a comment for that confession. That is really sad...how something like that can change people. That one just really struck me. I do not even want to imagine what America's soldiers, as well as Iraq's soldiers are seeing and having to experience during this time. It has to be horrible. Well that's all. Current Mood: contemplative

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